Friday, January 10, 2014

Spiritual Healing - Eating with Freedom

I Can't Get Enough Of...





 Chipotle

Yes, that is three chipotle bags you see there in that picture which means, yes... I had 3 chipotle burritos this week! Soooo good. My butternut squash soup only lasted me about 4 days. I planned to make just enough for 4 days so that I wouldn't get overwhelmed by it at the end of the week. And I usually have another back up dinner to carry me through once the primary dinner option for the week runs out, but...
 This was not one of those weeks. 



If it's any consolation... I only ate half at a time? And I made one of my spinach and blueberry smoothies to pair with it.

It's been a busy week and as a result my meal planning creativity took a hit. But I'm okay with that. And next week will be better, just you wait and see! I have a whole slew of recipes coming your way. 

So, I am totally past the food shaming stage in my life. I've learned to have a healthy relationship with food so that I can enjoy it- because food is meant to be enjoyed. I've been focused on listening to my body, knowing when to say yes, or when to say no or stop- and then after saying yes, allowing myself to be okay with that decision.

I have chocolate everyday because I crave it. If I don't allow myself to have a taste of chocolate, I put myself into deprivation mode and end up binging later down the road because my tastebuds get too excited about being reintroduced to the flavor and I lose self-control. I used to have a problem with this a few years ago in my undergraduate days. This was when I gained quite some weight back after going through my major weight loss in high school. I didn't allow myself to eat foods that were normal to enjoy in reasonable and moderate portions. Like dessert, or fat, or oil, or sugar, etc. I deprived myself for weeks upon weeks from the taste of these things. I was living the "fat-free, sugar-free, low-calorie food" life. And it was horrible. Just a bunch of chemicals. I remember having nights where I would sneak to the kitchen and stuff myself with slices and slices and slices of cake and bars of chocolate. Uncontrollably- like a person who had never seen food before. And then I would go run 10 miles the next day to relieve my guilt. This turned into a horrible cycle. 

Sure I didn't crave junk food like McDonalds or Taco Bell anymore because those kinds of foods really do make our bodies feel sick. But at the same time, our bodies have an innate affinity for foods with fat and sugar because it needs it.

It's the amount and quality of those foods that really matter. It has only been recently (I'd say 2 1/2 years now), where I can say I have developed a loving relationship with my food. I didn't gain my weight back when I started eating fat and foods that weren't sugar free. As a matter of fact, my body felt more satisfied and my weight distribution throughout my body improved. This has been such a freeing thing for me. Because almost anyone who has lost a significant amount of weight before in their life, knows that their "big person" mentality creeps up once in a while- and stirs up fear of regaining and going back the place you were before and worked so hard to get out of. So we place these really tough restrictions on ourselves to prevent- by any means necessary- ourselves from declining. But that is no way to live.

I am more focused on the quality and well-roundedness of my meals and foods. There has to be vegetables, fat, protein, some carb and a little dessert like a small handful of chocolate covered almonds with all of my main meals. With those components I am good to go. And my weight has settled into place without me trying to over-regulate it but more so by eating out of a quality mindset. Not everyday is perfect. But I feel so much healthier with this mindset. I went from working out 6 days a week to now sometimes only being able to make it to the gym 1 time a week. But my weight has been maintained at its best now than ever before. Exercise is important, but it should be fun and enjoyable- not done as a result of a guilty conscience. 

And I've never felt better

(p.s. I got brown rice, black beans, guacamole for healthy fat, barbacoa, brown rice, and salsa; skipped the cheese and sour cream today because I think I had my fair share of it and saturated fat from yesterday's burrito *bites lips*- yes, I was there 2 days in a row)

I enjoyed my chipotle these past few days, but next week, it's back to cooking I go. 

xoxo Mary

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